


The Dorothea, Hilda and Sylvain Advice on Love

by love_tore_me_apart



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Advice Box (Fire Emblem), FE3H Kinkmeme, Female My Unit | Byleth, Fluff and Humor, Hilda gets a cute nickname because I say so, Multi, Pre-Timeskip | Academy Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Sexual Humor, but it's nothing explicit, no beta we die like Glenn, rated T for Sylvain and the final letter, these ships are very self indulgent and I regret nothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-18 16:09:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28994997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/love_tore_me_apart/pseuds/love_tore_me_apart
Summary: Dorothea, Hilda and Sylvain decide to open an alternative advice box for the students of Garreg Mach Monastery to ask about love, sex and all that good stuff.It can't possibly go wrong, right?Fill for a FE3H Kinkmeme prompt.
Relationships: Dorothea Arnault & Hilda Valentine Goneril, Dorothea Arnault & Sylvain Jose Gautier, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Sylvain Jose Gautier & Hilda Valentine Goneril
Comments: 4
Kudos: 17
Collections: FE3H Kink Meme





	The Dorothea, Hilda and Sylvain Advice on Love

**Author's Note:**

> Ships are Ashe/Annette, Dimitri/Marianne, Petra/Ignatz, Lorenz/Leonie and Byleth/Seteth 
> 
> Apologies for any grammar mistakes, as English is not my native language. It's the first fic I post in years, so I hope it's appreciated!
> 
> Prompt filled: https://3houseskinkmeme.dreamwidth.org/2082.html?thread=3599394#cmt3599394

If there was one thing very clear to Dorothea, Hilda and Sylvain is that their classmates are, for the lack of a gentler word, _inexperienced_ in matters of love. And they needed to do something about it.

This is how the trio ended up sitting together at a table in the tea area, trying to be as discreet as possible about the contents they were about to read, even if no one in their right minds would have a tea date at eight in the morning. Setting up an advice box required Seteth to approve, so they had to find a way to say the truth in a way that wouldn’t get them grounded for stable duty for the rest of the year –especially if Flayn was to make use of them.

Luckily, Hilda Valentine Goneril always had a knack for getting out of trouble.

–Don’t worry, Seteth! This is an advice box for things like friendships and company for studying!– she had said, blinking her immense pink eyes at him.

Seteth had raised a brow at three students being enthusiastic about setting up an exclusive advice box just for matters of friends, but he decided not to push them any further. Sylvain suspected that it had something to do with Flayn yelling at him the other day for getting in the way of her friendships. The trio couldn’t blame her in one bit: trying to shoo away any guy that sat next to her in class or just talked to her in general would only strain their fraternal relationship.

With the permission acquired, they decided to set up the advice box on a place where the students would pass, while still keeping low-key to help the shy ones. The front of the bulletin board next to the classes were _perfect_ for such a thing. They set it up on a Friday and decided to use their free day on Sunday to answer the burning questions.

–Come on, let’s open this up! –Sylvain said, reaching out for the lid.

The box was kept very simple: a small cube made of wood with a hole to let the papers slide in. It was almost entirely full of the most different types of paper types and handwritings. This would be _a lot_ of fun.

–Let’s see who’s the first one...–Dorothea said, pulling a small piece of paper.

The handwriting looked very clean, wide cursive letters in a strong black ink. On the corners of the paper, the person drew little hearts to complement the small message written in it.

**I’ve been helping a classmate of mine with his arithmetic homework and I think I’ve developed a crush on him. How do I tell him? Pls help :)**

Sylvain couldn’t help but awn at the letter.

–That’s Annette! I’ve seen her and Ashe a lot in the library, reading from a book that looks as thick as a horse’s neck!

–I’m sure you’re exaggerating on that, Sylvain. –Hilda responded with a sigh. –But it’s nice to start with a simple one!

–And a super sweet one too! –Dorothea added.

–Let me write the answer, since I know them best. –Sylvain asked, reaching for the paper in Dorothea’s hand.

Professor Byleth had been ever so kind to lend Dorothea her quill and ink the day before, saying that she could do whatever writing with as long as it was back on her desk by Monday and it wasn’t damaged. Sylvain filled it with the black ink and wrote his answer on the best handwriting he could manage.

**I say: go tell him! Time in the academy is too short to worry about the ‘what ifs’. Get that Sniper boy all for yourself!**

After writing it, Sylvain passed to Dorothea and Hilda so the girls could check his advice. The former looked shocked at the response, while the latter just nodded with a smile on her lips.

–Sylvain giving out competent dating advice? What timeline is this? –Dorothea joked, making Hilda chuckle and Sylvain to put his hand on his chest.

–You wound me, Thea.

–I _will_ wound you if you keep referring to me by that nickname.

Dorothea’s eyes looked as sharp as knives, even though her smile was as sweet as candy. That was a good sign for Hilda to reach out for the next letter in the box.

In comparison to the first one, the second was significantly longer.More than half a page was written in bold, large letters.

**Please, you must help me with this issue. I genuinely don’t know what to do now.**

**There is a beautiful girl that just transferred into my class. She’s usually so quiet and rarely looks up from her notes, but yesterday we had shared horseback riding lessons with Jeralt and she did something to me that made my heart go all over the place.**

**She looked so happy when she was with a particular horse on the stables. I think her name was Dorte. She said something to the horse, probably a joke and then chuckled. Sothis above, that chuckle was the most precious thing I’ve ever heard in my entire life. I got so distracted by that sublime sound that I lost my balance and fell on my side.**

**You do not need to worry about me. Professor Manuela said that my bones were strong enough that it was nothing serious. It wasn’t my writing hand, so I’ll be able to attend classes on Monday just fine.**

**Please, forgive my rambling. I need help. Desperately. I’ve never felt that way about a girl before. Please, do what you can to help me.**

As Hilda was reading this one out loud, Sylvain’s face kept getting redder by the second. As soon as she said the final sentence, he burst into a laughter that was way too scandalous for the morning of a Sunday.

–Sylvain, be quiet! –Dorothea warned, but he kept on laughing, holding his belly in his stomach.

Hilda would try to alert Sylvain as well, but she was in the edge of her seat from what she read. Someone was in love with Marianne, her best friend in the academy, and judging by Sylvain’s reaction, it wasn’t a nobody.

–I’m so sorry for that. –Sylvain said after a few moments of laughter, wiping his tears away. –I just… I never expected _him_ to write a letter of all people!

–Who? –Hilda couldn’t contain her curiosity any longer.

–It’s Dimitri! –Sylvain exclaimed, way louder than he should have, because a passing Priest gave him ugly eyes.

–She’s so lucky! –Dorothea exclaims, taking the letter from Hilda’s hand. –This is one of the most romantic things I’ve ever read in my whole life!

Hilda didn’t say anything for a time and then she snatched the letter from Dorothea’s hand and _hugged_ the piece of paper like a kid clings to their favorite teddybear.

–I’m so happy for her! –Hilda said, her voice pitches high from her usual self. –Let me write that one, please!

–Go ahead! –Sylvain agreed, another laughter threatening to escape his lips. –I still need time to process what I just heard.

**Listen: Marianne is an absolute angel. She’s the kindest, prettiest, most attentive girl you’ll ever meet. Approach her gently and ask her about any animals really, but especially Dorte. Her face when her eyes light up is the cutest thing in the world.**

**She’ll tell you it’s hard to keep a conversation with her, but don’t let that fool you. She has a lot of things she wants to say but doesn’t know if she’s allowed to say. Encourage her to speak up!**

**She deserves a guy that brings the best in her. If you lay even as much as a finger with bad intentions on her, I will find you and sent you to Aillel by the ear. Got it? Good!**

–I’m not going to contest that reply. –Dorothea said after reading the answer. –I would say the same things if they asked about Ingrid or Bernie.

–If Ingrid’s in here, pigs will start flying into the air. –Sylvain commented and Dorothea couldn’t help but nod in agreement.

Sylvain reached out for the box and pulled out a paper that had a different feel to the ones usually used in the Academy, almost more grainy. The handwriting was spaced out and easy to read.

**I’m very grateful for this box. Now, I can ask a question about the love language of Fódlan.**

**What’s the appropriate response to a guy that gifted me a drawing of myself? He tried to downplay the drawing, but I loved it! It made me look like the most skilled warrior in all of the continent! I hugged him and his face got very red, he was stammering a lot. What should I have done?**

Hilda couldn’t help but whistle at that letter.

–I had no idea Ignatz was that forward!

–So that’s why he went to watch the Black Eagles’ Intra-House Axe Tournament! –Dorothea remembered, her eyes beaming. –He was a lot of the time in his sketchbook, but I’d never imagined he would be there to draw her!

–Damn, the kid’s going far. –Sylvain said with a smug smile. –Just need to work on his confidence, because talent and initiating courage were already there.

Hilda and Dorothea stared at Sylvain intently. Well, the former was staring intently. The latter looked like she was about to strangle him.

–Pass me the quill, Hils. –Dorothea said in a very pointed tone, making Sylvain subconsciously protect his private parts.

**You did absolutely nothing wrong, dear. The reason he was red was because he did not expect you to love the drawing that much. Go to him and tell him how you feel, I’m sure he’ll be more confident. But please show me the drawing first! We need to attest to his abilities together! And because your description got me really curious.**

Fearing for his life, Sylvain simply exclaimed:

–My turn now!

Sylvain picked up a piece of paper that looked like it was used more times than it should have been, with a weird stain on the bottom part – probably the sauce from yesterday’s bunny meat dinner. The handwriting was pretty tight and precise, although it looked like it was written in a hurry.

**I’ve always thought I was immune to this love business, but lo and behold, here I am.**

**I’ve been training with this guy from my class and we built this type of rivalry, since we’re both part of cavalry of the squad. Recently, I got this urge to kiss him and I have no idea where it came from. What do I do?**

**-Leonie (no, I don’t care to stay anonymous)**

–Well, at least we don’t have to worry about cracking our heads about this letter. –Dorothea shrugged.

Sylvain and Hilda, on the other hand, had their mouths open wide, looking at each other.

–Leonie and Lorenz? –Sylvain and Hilda said in unison.

Dorothea couldn’t help but join them in the surprise.

–Wait! Lorenz? _That_ Lorenz?

The trio burst into laughter, practically hurling the idea of discretion off the window. It was very easy to make fun of vase-hair self-imposed “ladies man” Lorenz, but even he had some sort of game going on to make such a career-focused girl like Leonie have it bad. Dorothea was low-key impressed, but she’d rather run naked through the Faerghus winter days than to imagine that guy having any sort of prowess.

Hilda reached for the quill and wrote the response.

**Leonie, since you don’t mind being exposed, I’ll go straight to point like you appreciate. You need to go straight for the kiss. The guy probably wants to kiss you and, in all honesty, you guys make a really cute match. Rivals to lovers is something straight out of a book, so go get that horse boy!**

–It can’t get worse than Lorenz, right? –Hilda reached out to the box and pulled out the next letter.

–Don’t jinx that, please. –Sylvain begged.

The three of them would learn very soon that Sylvain didn’t beg enough.

Out of all the letters, this one definitely had the best handwriting. It was a polished cursive writing with very few sharp edges. It must have took the person quite a lot of time to write that, even with calligraphy training. Hilda read it out loud.

**My dear students, I always answer your questions on the regular advice box, so I figured I’d be in the asking end for this one.**

**I love spending time with this older guy. He’s very sincere, gives great advice and has a very nice sense of humor beneath that stern appearance he carries around the monastery. I’ve been giving him a lot of fishing equipment ever since I found out he also likes the sport. He must be weirded out by the amounts I’ve been giving him, so I come here with a simple question:**

**Where is a good place where two adults can enjoy a discreet night for themselves? A place with dinner by night and a nice bed to spend the night on would be ideal, but just the dinner would sufice. That’s an adequate first date for Fodlan’s standarts, right?**

**Thanks in advance.**

Hilda, Sylvain and Dorothea sat in silence for an uncomfortable amount of time, processing whatever the Ailell hell was that.

Sylvain was the first one to make any sort of move. He threw his hands in the air and stood up, a look of absolute terror in his eyes.

–I don’t care how useful this could be to our fellow students. I did not need the imagery of Professor Byleth banging fucking _Seteth_ of all people. See you in class!

Hilda and Dorothea sat there, that single piece of paper bringing out the admittedly very weird idea of Seteth going on a date with the Professor and possibly _share a bed with her_. Imagining that extremely uptight and strict man having fun on a dinner and then _going upstairs to a room and_ –

–He’s right, Hils. –Dorothea took the paper, turned it into a ball and threw in the closest trash can. –I think that idea went as far as it could get.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading it! Kudos, bookmarks and reviews are appreciated <3


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